There is so many things to say about this topic. Inspired by Glen Hansard’s and Markta Irglova’s Song (have a look at it his guitar. His mind is really made up!) and the following line “… there is no point tryin’ to stop it”. I’ll try to focus on a view things. But first of all i want to explain, why this article is written in English. I might as well write an own article about this topic some day. But at the moment there are just a few things to say about it and first start with an excuse to all those native english speaking people who have to read my poor foreigners english ;-)
I never lived in an english speaking country for longer time (3 Month New Zealand was the longest stay). So practicing English after
failing to learn learning it at school was mainly with people from non english speaking countries, books, music and films. After a while I lost the fear to talk in english, but never really lost the fear to write or even publish in english. I don’t have to say, that the circle of readers is pretty limited, when writing in german. A course some weeks ago with 16 people from 11 European countries made me think about the european dimension. We don’t have a common language, which makes our part of the world really rich in cultures, but we need a common way to speak to each other using a language every single citizen can understand and use to express himself. So, as my mind is also made up by saying “I’m an European” there is no way trying to stop writing in english.
So back to the title: “When your mind’s made up”
Two years ago i got this book with the title “The Why Café” by John Strelecky. I read it and put it back in the bookshelf. Not because it was boring or just to read and put back. It made me think a lot, but I wasn’t ready yet to take actions. John Strelecky asks 3 simple Questions:
- Why are you here?
- Do you fear death?
- Are you fulfilled?
The quintessence of this questions is, that you should do, what you really want, cause that’s the only thing you are really good in. Sounds simple and logical. “But there are so many things you have to do, even if you don’t want to do them. Such as earning money.”, some people might say. My answer: You are right, go read the book! (it’s also available in German: “Das Café am Rande der Welt”).
After almost one year (and so many times recommending this book to others) I stumbled over it again. And at the same time i heard the Song by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova mentioned above. Songs and books always make me think and sometimes hopefully act. So I read the book again and found that I can answer the first question. Without even noticing it I was working out the answer during this year. I won’t/can’t tell you the answer, as it is not to be answered in one sentence. Why i realized that I have found the answer, you might ask? Day after day it was easier for me to decide what to do or not do, when i read about something or got an offer.
So what did i do these last years? First I quit my well paid job as a projectmanager. When I got the offer to work for this project I was so excited about it. I was chosen to realize a really sustainable building for a company which was looking really far ahead of many others. But every day a realized more and more, that this is not my project. I couldn’t invest more of my energy into a building I was never supposed to work in. One day, when everything seamed to be on it’s way – contracts signed, design ready to be published, … – i found myself sitting outside, listening to the birds singing and knowing I had to fly away with them. So I started to talk with some friends about my withdrawal. Some couldn’t understand as this job seamed to be just made for me. Others just said that I should follow the birds calling me to fly with them. And so I brought everything to a good end and flow away with my callers.
The first weeks after quitting this job I was restless. I thought I can immediately follow a clear path. I started searching for a new house in the country and made plans about a permaculture farm I always dreamed about. I even found properties I really liked and after a while I thought I just have to make a decision on which one is my favorite. But suddenly I thunderstorm came up and the birds had to find a save place and sit down for a while. My life partner just didn’t follow my “flight” and said she would not come with me. I knew I made my decision without my family. So I had to start from scratch. The only thing I still felt was that “my mind was made up”. Everybody who ever had this feeling might agree: It is so strong, it opens doors and breaks down walls, which apparently block your way.
At New Years Eve i met a former colleague and told her of my misery. She also quit her job and she told me about her community-garden project. A month later I was part of this community and soon I started to grow my own vegetables. As we have a little mobile home and our kids are unschoolers, i could easily pack my stuff and go there for some days. Being out in the nature, gardening, helping build a strawbale house, just made me feel really grounded.
As I already wrote before, I already knew “why i was here”, what the “purpose of my existence” was. Again and again doors opened and asked me to enter a new part of my new “building”. A friend asked me if I wanna join him organizing a open space conference on deep ecology by designing a little website. Without beeing a professional web designer but designing now and then i started. During the conference an idea grew in my friends mind, how he could reward my efforts. I was invited to join his first deep ecology retreat in Austria this last summer. During this ten days of meditation and awareness building my ideas got a final touch. I could enter my SELF and find deep freedom. It took me over a year after quitting my job to get to this point. I wouldn’t want to miss a day of this time. After all I know it’s just an illusion to think you can make this change from one day to the other. Quite the contrary, a fast shift from one activity to another without this time of uncertainty, without making some negative experience, without falling down and having to get on your feed again, would have made me rush from one misery to the other.
Next year I start my own business with all the experience I made, with all the changes and experiences made during this moving time. To end with Glen Hansard’s and Markta Irglova (this time the song Lies)
So plant the thought and watch it grow / Wind it up and let it go